As seen in the books of her unholy haemomancer-ness. Any reference to any person real or fictional is probably intended. If you're a lawyer, this post was written by my neighbour.
This crepuscular tale begins with a girl. She can be described as beautiful, intelligent and a stunning example of nature's crafting. But then, that would be a lie. We'll settle for something a tad lower. She's average.
The tale proceeds with a boy (Girl on girl action, involving cups, is best left to shock-sites). He would be an average guy in a normal world. But then, with a normal world and a normal boy, you can't have rabid fangirls across the universe. So, in their world, he's strong, understanding, smart, good-looking (So fantastically beautiful, in fact, he wouldn't be altogether out of place as a tragic hero in a story about a boy wizard). Since we have a boy and a girl, there's bound to be some action. So, let's give him good breath. Most important of all, he's sparkly. Like a firecracker. Or a Christmas decoration.
Now that we have our two main characters decided, we must ensure the two meet. What do average girls of schooling age do? Go to high school. And what do sparkly, superhuman immortals that have spent decades hunting and battling bands of roving trolls do? Go to high school, of course.
All high schools are in areas with wooded clearings right around the corner. A perfect spot for one-to-one conversations about life, the universe and everything. But not for our couple. Being the deeply romantic and moving story it is, our couple will sit in said clearing and talk about how bad sandwiches taste when cut in particular ways. As you are on the verge of forgiving them for this minor transgression, they reveal they are falling in love. *Slow, painful music*
No romantic story can exist without a disturbing love triangle. Girl is bat-crazy about guy 1. Guy 1 is sparkly enough to possess homosexual intentions towards Guy 2. Guy 2 has a wolf-like hunger for love from Girl. Guy 2 is doing something that all rebellious girls love. He repairs motorcycles.
To add a bit of originality, let us add family affairs and century long blood-feuds to the broth. Any parallels you are drawing with Romeo and Juliet are your own imagination. Any similarities you find with the works of Bram Stoker will cause him to turn in his grave, obtain vampiric unlife, hunt you down, dismember you and set you on fire. Stoker wrote novels, not fairytales with christmas decorations.
Since we've provided here the key elements of the story, it is up to you to make up the details as you go. In all probability, whatever sappy tosh you come up with, it just might be what our unholiness wrote in her series.
I read a book last night.
This post submitted for Blogomania 2010. If you like it, head over there and vote for me.
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Critiqus Anonimus
*Points* The Critiqus Anonimus. She's a beauty isn't she?
This marvelous creature, known my its common name whysostoopid, never ceases to amaze binary etymologists around the web. Rearing its neck from its hovel only to let out a slow, winding moan, the creature makes its presence felt by sending shock waves rippling across the interwebs. These waves are often created by a group that closely follows the activities of the creature and are responsible for feeding it and keeping it alive (The group, incidentally, is known as The Group). Critiqus shows a level of intelligence not unlike the others of its kind, which, when considered as a whole, are called blogs (Of course, any researcher worth his salt knows that the right term would be blag). This particular member of the species shows sleeping patterns that are affected by how often it is fed by The Group. Being a youngling of its kind, it seems to depend a lot on them for its nourishment and well being.
An interesting example of its kind, Critiqus, has shown behaviour that suggests it wants to be the Alpha individual. Supporting this evidence are its shouts via the group and its erratic speech pattern (probably a result of the varied fodder from members of The Group) that are surely calls seeking attention. The fate of this specimen might prove to be interesting with its caretakers indulging in various forms of legal, semi-legal and not-really-legal-but-fun-anyway activites including (and not limited to) Geohashing, Alcoholism, Marijuana cultivation, Tweeting, Piracy and Studying. Initial date collected about members of The Group indicate addiction to Alcohol (as mentioned earlier), The Interwebs and videos showcasing the mating rituals a 10-foot-tall, blue-skinned, alien race.
Coming back to the creature, the Critiin is a must watch for a researcher seeking worldly knowledge. Even if the information from it comes in little bursts, the occasional light it sheds on some topics to such enlightening degrees that it just might be the next big flash of news. To find the Critin in its natural habitat, one must tread carefully to its top-secret mountain hiding place.
I hope more of my journeys will open our eyes to such insightful creatures. If you ever feel the need for adventure, trek to said hiding place and observe the Critin.
In other news, I finished Soul Reaver 2. My next post may or may not see me writing normally again. Also, I am searching for things from my past. I found a poem.
This marvelous creature, known my its common name whysostoopid, never ceases to amaze binary etymologists around the web. Rearing its neck from its hovel only to let out a slow, winding moan, the creature makes its presence felt by sending shock waves rippling across the interwebs. These waves are often created by a group that closely follows the activities of the creature and are responsible for feeding it and keeping it alive (The group, incidentally, is known as The Group). Critiqus shows a level of intelligence not unlike the others of its kind, which, when considered as a whole, are called blogs (Of course, any researcher worth his salt knows that the right term would be blag). This particular member of the species shows sleeping patterns that are affected by how often it is fed by The Group. Being a youngling of its kind, it seems to depend a lot on them for its nourishment and well being.
An interesting example of its kind, Critiqus, has shown behaviour that suggests it wants to be the Alpha individual. Supporting this evidence are its shouts via the group and its erratic speech pattern (probably a result of the varied fodder from members of The Group) that are surely calls seeking attention. The fate of this specimen might prove to be interesting with its caretakers indulging in various forms of legal, semi-legal and not-really-legal-but-fun-anyway activites including (and not limited to) Geohashing, Alcoholism, Marijuana cultivation, Tweeting, Piracy and Studying. Initial date collected about members of The Group indicate addiction to Alcohol (as mentioned earlier), The Interwebs and videos showcasing the mating rituals a 10-foot-tall, blue-skinned, alien race.
Coming back to the creature, the Critiin is a must watch for a researcher seeking worldly knowledge. Even if the information from it comes in little bursts, the occasional light it sheds on some topics to such enlightening degrees that it just might be the next big flash of news. To find the Critin in its natural habitat, one must tread carefully to its top-secret mountain hiding place.
I hope more of my journeys will open our eyes to such insightful creatures. If you ever feel the need for adventure, trek to said hiding place and observe the Critin.
In other news, I finished Soul Reaver 2. My next post may or may not see me writing normally again. Also, I am searching for things from my past. I found a poem.
So long
And thanks for all the memories.
Time pulls closer the inevitability of fate and my condemnation to the darkest of realms, where I shall wander again, a listless soul, anguished by the sheer weight of a burden that no mortal must be bid to bear. It is time to be parted from the comfort of my home and embrace, with might, the bleak future that adorns my path. It is also time to leave my love. My only solace lies in this fate being shared by numerous others; brave souls that will do battle by my side; souls that will face, with me, ambushes of the most vile of papers, set upon us by demented mentors seeking to test us on the little we learnt (while awake) under their tutelage.
College. And no, I still haven't finished Soul Reaver 2 (guilty, yet again, of poisoning my tongue with language deemed archaic).
Right, that wraps up everything I have to say. Here is a list of things I did these holidays (some of which, even if I say so myself, proved rather fun):
Have fun.
Time pulls closer the inevitability of fate and my condemnation to the darkest of realms, where I shall wander again, a listless soul, anguished by the sheer weight of a burden that no mortal must be bid to bear. It is time to be parted from the comfort of my home and embrace, with might, the bleak future that adorns my path. It is also time to leave my love. My only solace lies in this fate being shared by numerous others; brave souls that will do battle by my side; souls that will face, with me, ambushes of the most vile of papers, set upon us by demented mentors seeking to test us on the little we learnt (while awake) under their tutelage.
College. And no, I still haven't finished Soul Reaver 2 (guilty, yet again, of poisoning my tongue with language deemed archaic).
Right, that wraps up everything I have to say. Here is a list of things I did these holidays (some of which, even if I say so myself, proved rather fun):
- Discovered Very Demotivational, IMMD and Hawtness.
- Saw more funny pictures.
- Earned money.
- Spent said money.
- Learnt about suicide on uncyclopedia.
- Convinced people on Omegle that I was Basement Cat.
- Discovered that my parents follow my blog AND my twitter handle. (Not on fun list)
- Set up a collaborative blog.
- Found out my blog has 10 followers (w00t!).
- Downloaded Deus Ex, Final Fantasy VII and Soul Reaver 2.
- Downloaded The Playlist of Instant Attraction.
- Planned for my digital art event coming up in February.
- Entered 3D art. (Check out earlier posts)
- Downloaded and subsequently fell in love with Plants Vs. Zombies.
- Wrote a short story-poem in Sci-Fi for Kurukshetra. (Will put it up sometime)
- Read So long, And thanks for all the fish.
Have fun.
